Once Was Blind

Psalm Window

This post is in response to a challenge issued at a blog called The Gypsy Mama and my sweet friend Natasha over at To Live for Him . It’s called “5-Minute Fridays” and since I’ve been pretty much stalled in the water with this blog endeavor, I thought I’d give it a whirl! I’m actually caught up on my video editing and can maybe get back into my groove and chase down some of those words and ideas I’ve been scribbling into my “gonna write that down” notebook! This Friday’s topic is:        “See”

I don’t know exactly when it started happening or rather when it just became apparent to me that I could feel people…and actually see them the way I do. What was even more shocking was the discovery that not everyone does this. It’s a precious gift from God to be able to look both ways…inside and out…. at the world around and within me. Its’ as if I’m on both sides of the same window…at the same time.

No….I can’t read minds, but I can FEEL feelings and have an empathy so keen that it’s almost palatable and tangible at times. And the most defining moment of my life came when I understood that God gave this gift for me to counsel, disciple and teach.

And I can clearly remember the moment when I got to the place when I *truly desired* Him to use me in this gifting…and asked no, {I BEGGED} like Solomon, only for wisdom to use it well.

God answered.

I’m still learning; but I’m not afraid any longer. But here’s the only hitch; I can’t choose what I see. No, I can’t choose what I feel or don’t feel…it all comes rushing against me.

At first, in my immaturity, I just took it in and on and all over me thinking this was just how it was supposed to be. I just allowed the seeing and feeling of other people and the deep {God-given} desire to help, rescue, guide…whatever…abuse and assault my senses and sensibilities. Until, exhausted and emotionally spend,  I was like some heap of detritus wrecked and washed up on the shoreline after a hurricane.

I’ve  had to learn wisdom to go with the insight and discernment.

I’ve had to learn to die to myself and the pride of wanting to be the hero.

I’ve had to learn that only God rescues and saves and I must remain a willing vessel He will pour from when and where and to whom He wills.

I’ve had to learn to set boundaries and give myself permission to step away and allow God to be God.

Above all, I have learned humility and patience like I’ve never known and a spiritual sensitivity towards people I didn’t know I could have; to love as Jesus loves.

I am grateful.

He has opened the eyes of my heart and I am

forever, completely…rapturously


10 thoughts on “Once Was Blind

  1. Excellent description of the gifts mercy and compassion. It sounds like a wonderful thing. But I’m sure you have found that when you meet someone and you see the pain within, you FEEL the pain yourself. And sometimes that wears us down and if we don’t take care to stay edified and uplifted ourselves, we can let all that pain around us bring us down to level of paralysis.

    The hardest thing for me is understanding that everyone else does NOT have this gift or see these things. When someone shares with me their struggle, a computer screen appears in my head and starts listing steps to help them. I was dumb founded by people who said “I wanted to help but didn’t know how.” And initially I was a little judgmental about that. “You don’t know how to help a mother whose baby is in the PICU, hasn’t had a shower in four days and has only eaten vending machine food because only has $20 on her?” How can you NOT know how to help. But I take a deep breath now, and accept that people do not have an ounce of compassion or mercy in their bodies and they are still excellant, Godly people. They just one’t have those gifts.

    1. It’s exhausting if I let it be “me centered” and “me directed”. I’m more cautious than I used to be about offering solutions but usually it’s a matter of wait a bit and pray alot! If the Spirit speaks, I listen and follow His guidance.

      As you said, there are some “practical” applications to this gifting…sometimes the best thing to do is just DO…cook that meal, organize the help or swish that toilet and offer that ride. Other times, listening and letting the Spirit of God speak and pour through is the best solution and always, always, ALWAYS, point people to their ONLY solution: the Gospel. Be the Gospel, Speak the Gospel and share the Gospel.

      And knowing when to let go. That’s important too. Some people are “addicted” to crisis. They thrive there and seek it at every opportunity. God is teaching me when to loosen my grip even if it means their fannies hit the floor.

      And yeah, I USED to be judgmental about those who do not seem to see, seem to care or seem to feel. Some people are just plain selfish. Others are just not gifted the same and that’s ok too. I can trust God there.

      Thanks so much for your insightful response!

  2. Nicely done :0). It is good to write these thoughts and experiences down so they are reminders as well as an encouragement to others :0).

    1. Thanks Donna. I’m kinda wading in some of the shallow waters trying to discern and discover my niche. There are a lot of writers out there…great writers and I believe God is using them all to some degree. However, nobody can read *EVERYTHING* so I’m learning to listen carefully and trust God about what to write about. I don’t care about being small; just about being useful and that’s God’s department! 🙂

  3. Beautifully said! I love that last line:

    He has opened the eyes of my heart and I am forever changed.

    1. And the most beautious, grandest thing of all is that change brought new light into my life and some of that new light comes from Sisters like you!

    1. I do know what you mean. I’ve been reeling from my last lesson in this department. What I’ve learned is do “this”…what we are doing here. We edify, exhort and encourage one another. We stick together anchored to Him and stay humble at all costs. I love you Sandra Daniels and I appreciate the kinship we have (because of this gift) even though we’ve never physically been in the same room with one another!

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