intense

blueflame-heart“You know what your problem is Lorretta? You’re too intense. You SEE right through me and there are days I just can’t handle it and I just have to avoid you.”

Her words shocked me….stunned me…shook me and spun me around a full 180 degrees.  I just wasn’t expecting them. She wasn’t being mean…just matter of fact and while I’ve heard similar words since then, that first moment of coming face to face with a possible new truth was…well…unsettling to say the least.

Obviously, it’s never left me because here I am 8 years later still remembering that moment.

It made me think. Think hard. Pray hard.

Because I’ve learned that even in the ugliest sorts of criticism there is   typically a grain of truth. A truth, which may irritate at the time but can eventually become a priceless pearl of wisdom.

So I thought about what she was saying in light of where I’ve been, what I was doing then (and am doing still), and what brought us together in the first place.

I took an honest look at myself and began to ask some questions:

  • Is it wrong to feel and see so much? Maybe not.
  • Is it wrong to think I ought to always “tell it like it is” ? Perhaps.
  • Is it wrong that I may at times have spoken from my own prideful perspective instead of Gods abiding wisdom? ALWAYS.

I began to search the Scriptures and I seek Godly counsel and wisdom…and what I discovered was…yes, I am indeed “intense”. Passionate.

Real and raw and ever so slightly rowdy at times!

{It’s part of a gifting from God.}

And like everything else, this gift needs God’s hand to guide and He seems to need to keep one foot on my tiger-y tail at all times to keep me in balance but that’s more than OK with me.

See…somewhere along the way, I just sorta lost my ability to                 “fake it till I make it”.

Seriously. It just wasn’t working.

Because I realized  that the more I tried to be less of me…the more I tried to be like some no-star Sneech and just play “the game”…well some “Sylvester Monkey McBean” would just come along and re-write or re-trend the rules.

it. was. exhausting.

I never fit in because….I wasn’t meant to.

And then it was a good, good friend who said to me these words:

“Yes you are quite “intense” but for the life of me, Lorretta,  I can’t imagine what’s really wrong with that!”

AND IT’S TRUE!

I am PASSIONATE about the Glory of God…                                                                     and it’s a passion that is ever increasing!
I LOVE a good, deep read, I ADORE getting to share & teach God’s Word. I am prone to spontaneous fits of mind-numbing,                                 side-cramping, face-freezing LAUGHTER!
I’m mach-5, hair on fire, wide-open for WORSHIP & the PRAISE of God’s glorious name and His endless fame.
The only thing I love to do more than cook is EAT!
I’ll challenge you to a game of Scrabble while slipping around the house in “ninja mode” to pop my son in the back of the head with a Nerf dart!

I love and I love intensely.

And when you show up for a bible study….

when you call me on the phone….

when you email me and ask to meet for coffee…

when you show up at my door and need a Sister,

a confidant…

a friend…

I hope to be there with what I pray is Godly counsel, a strong shoulder and a roll of toilet paper because I never have Kleenex in the house.

And this is the intensity of love and worship which sparked that conversation 8 years ago …with that particular friend who was hurting deeply…and with many others since then.

Because this is who I AM….no apologies necessary.

I am who I am and I’m not afraid to introduce and lead you to the Intensely passionate One who made me this way.

I don’t know it all but…                                                                                              I know the One who does and we can walk there together.

We’ll laugh, we’ll cry, we’ll drink deeply from the Living Water and dine heavily on the Bread of Life…and by the grace of God, we’ll grow.

I promise….It’ll be intense!

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