The silence here has been deafening lately but trust me,
it’s been very noisy in my soul.
Nothing major, but right before the holidays, I stepped off a riser at church and probably strained a tendon in my heel. All I know is that it hurt like the dickens and I still can’t wear my cute little flats.
And Fire… I felt fire. My heel throbbed with some sort of fire-dart-like pain if anything touched it the wrong way. I read up on it and really, the only thing that will work for the problem is a combination of anti-inflammatory pain meds, good shoes… and good, old-fashioned rest and T-I.M-E.
Almost a week had passed and it started to feel better until one night, I must have whacked it in my sleep because that sucker Woke. Me. Up. Dang. Need more T-I-M-E.
Curious and similarly, a recent situation caused me to mentioned to a friend how there are times when you think old wounds in deep places in you are “healed enough” and you can go for a long time like that thinking it’s all good… or good enough to go on. Until you get bumped. Then that old pain jumps to the surface so sharp and sudden that you almost can’t breathe.
Like my heel…. only this time, it was my heart.
There are some deep bruise-y places that got bumped recently and as a result, God has initiated some quiet but necessary internal “reorganizations” that may eventually result in some external ones. Only time will tell but it’s prompted some good, cleansing soul searching and I’m grateful.
Honestly? That w i d e o p e n pile of days known as “January” was almost too much for me to handle with it’s non-stop, steady stream of activity coming at me from all directions. It’s not normally this way except for this little thing I’ve had to push and prepare for…and I’ve truly meant to mention before now.
I’ve been quiet about this (not purposely) but I guess now is as good a time as any to mention that we leave today (TO-DAY people!) for ten days working on a new project in the Dominican Republic with an agency called Water@Work. The whole thing came about rather suddenly— smack dab in the middle of the holiday hoopla and wedding madness and I’ve barely had a shred of time to think about it, never mind plan or write outside my head.
Now, it’s here.
I’m not complaining. This life is my absolute joy. There is nothing I’d rather do more than flip the switches wide open on the adventure of documenting all the ways and places where God is at work in the world.
But I have been emotionally exhausted. No doubt about it.
So, I’ve needed to take more time to marinate in this hush that’s overtaken my soul. I’ve needed more space to breathe… think and feel my way around and through all of these things taking place both near and far. I needed some quiet time to stop, look and listen to what God is saying in it all. Because he’s most definitely speaking and the wind of the Spirit is clearly blowing.
Despite the visible external chaos, internally, iIt’s been neither a swift wind nor a swift current that’s carried me from day to day in these past weeks and there have been moments when I’ve undoubtedly felt like I’m stalled on the water and just barely moving.
But then God is good to remind me that even barely moving is still moving.
And there’s more to come….He’s reminded me of that too. I’ll be sharing it with you, I promise.