The seasons are changing— I’m glad. I sorta need it. I’m hungry for a good thunderstorm and the shiver of a brisk wind pointing me in the direction of Autumn. Mostly, I long for an outward sign marking the inward and subtle changing of seasons within—and everywhere as far as I can see. Good changes. But slow.
With the heat of summer and a life-altering trip behind me, it’s not surprising that some things have come loose and undone in my life and there’s no putting them back where they were before. Nothing major— in fact, only those closest to me and my heart could sense my frustration as I wonder what still fits and where it all leads. Right now? It’s here.
In this HERE place I’m sensing God’s question: “Am I your enough?”
And He wants….deserves… an answer.
Precariously straddling the chasm between the “already” and the “not yet”, I’m realizing with a sense of shame that while my heart and mouth may cry out “Yes Lord!”, my flesh and attitude may tell a different story. Prone to wander, Lord… I feel it.
Oh bless me and my fickle, adulterous heart.
Let me tell you more…
I’ve been quieted…hushed even as I’ve taken in the weight of world events both public and private these past few weeks. Stunned speechless but not at all silenced in my soul. It’s been loud in there.
I’m a Christian and though my hope is anchored, I need to be honest: I struggle.
Here, in my heart I’m all mixed up with the extremes of mourning with those who mourn and rejoicing with those who rejoice. It’s graduation season…it’s tornado season and many seasons in between. The words of Ecclesiastes 3 ring loud and clear:
“to everything there is a season
and a time for every matter under heaven.”
For birthing and dying, planting and plucking,
For killing and healing, breaking down and building up,
For loving and hating, weeping and laughing
For mourning and dancing, scattering and gathering
For embracing and pushing away, searching and giving up
For keeping and throwing away
For tearing and mending…
For love, hate, war and peace…and importantly,
a time to keep silence and a time to speak.
I’ve seen them all in the past few weeks…
and maybe so have you. Let me tell you more…
I’m a girl in the midst of WOE! and “undone.”
Because so much like Isaiah, I was brought to the place where in my spirit, I saw the Lord, seated on His throne high and lifted up….exalted and like Isaiah, all I could say with so much fear and trembling was
To say I am utterly undone with increasing thankfulness for that moment in my life is probably the most severe understatement I could possibly make. Words don’t cut it when trying to describe a moment like that…it’s all just ….so….”Woe!” Let me tell you more…