Tag Archives: heart


It was a dark and stormy moment….

In the midst of my daily feat of attempting to juggle running chainsaws and feral cats with one hand tied behind my back, I was struggling to summon up the necessary courage to run to the local “Mart of Wal”.

I didn’t wanna go…but alas, my family had “needs”; we were down to the last roll (again?!?!) and the local DG didn’t sell V-neck tees for boys. So off I went; trusting the house, the business and homeschool would run quite fine without my presence.

The “Mart of Wal” is less than 3 miles away. I calculated I could be in and out of there in 30 mins tops. (Who am I kidding?) An hour later and 20 bucks lighter,  I cruised back through my kitchen door met by my 13-year old swinging a variety of “weapons” and explaining that he was working on his “epicness” (Spell check doesn’t like that word but it was definitely appropriate for what was going on in my kitchen.)

“So…” I ask, “how’s the epic school work coming along?” No answer. I didn’t expect one but out of fairness to the accused I try to start off hoping for the best while knowing the worst.

See, this wouldn’t be an issue except, this has been the story for the past week…or more. There’s nothing easy about homeschooling, ministry, running a business and a home…all in the same bit of square-footage.

And this kid is slick… He knows what’s expected yet he seizes every opportunity for idleness, and like most red-blooded 13-year old critters, he’s got a bit of a strong will. In fact, there are times I’d describe him as the one with “buns of steel and a heart of stone”.

This time, I was prepared to do battle. After a bit of work check, blank answers and a word volley back and forth with my “epic” 13-year old, let’s just say his lips got loose and momma tiger was about to pounce.

Pouncing is not good for me. I am a recovering pouncer. I have been known to over pounce and to pounce furiously so that all teachable moments dissolve in the heat of my pouncing. Not pretty.

Actually, I was impressed because the impulse inside of me that said…”Smack that mouth!” disappeared instead in a whispered prayer of,

“Lord, help me do this.”
[This homeschool, this child, this love, this discipline.]
“I need you NOW, please help.”

I can’t explain exactly what happened in the course of the next 20 minutes but a close description is that I was caught up in the Spirit….with my husband’s help.

Did I mention we have a home business? Yeah… and that might make some folks think I’ve had a lot of help in this department through the years. However…we can both say that God is doing a daily restorative miracle in my husband’s ability to tune in, sense danger, see his role as our spiritual leader and step in to help. And God is also miraculously restoring my faith to trust him to do so and in my ability to let him.

Calmly we discussed our options to straighten this crooked-speaking, wrathful, defiant child uttering oaths in the other room. What were our goals? (Exorcism? Nah too extreme…Ground him til he’s 30…no way, we want to go on the mission field!)

We didn’t simply want to punish…we wanted to teach.
That’s why we home school in the first place

But we don’t simply want to teach, we are after his heart–not simply for ourselves, but for that child and most certainly for God.

That’s why we home school in the ultimate place.

With a plan in mind and unity between us we went in to him to explain what we know he already knows but apparently needed reminding– his heart was being captured by the sin of defiance and his tongue was out of control.

It was clear that the privileges of computer, ipod, radio (we don’t have TV!) were going to be removed until further notice. He was grounded. He needed to make the connection between the respect for authority he shows in other settings to what is rightfully expected here.

He was about to lose the privilege of going to his Civil Air Patrol meeting as well, but neither of us wanted to go that far. However, it was definitely on the table and because my husband and I stood there unified in our love for him and each other, the boy began to cave.

It was time to walk away and let the Spirit do His work. It didn’t take long. In fact, here is the blessed miracle of it all; 15 minutes later the same epically defiant boy stood before me crying in repentance. His heart had been won (and his backside had been spared a good pouncing!)

I sent him to his father who gladly received him and his apology but also took him one step further to know that his privileges were not going to be returned to him any time soon and before they could be, he would have to read James chapter 3 and they’d have a discussion together…when he was ready.

What was just another dark and stormy moment in our home and could have easily turned into another episode of cosmic chaos was instead tempered by the grace of God falling in extraordinary ways on our ordinary little family.

I sometimes wish there had been more of these moments before today but the grace of God also tells me that the road to glory is paved with lessons like these and is best traveled with my eyes fixed forward on Jesus.

He’s restoring the years the locusts may seemingly have eaten, one grace-filled, redemptive moment at a time…and I’m beginning to see more of them. So grateful.

“My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline,
and do not resent his rebuke,
because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
as a father the son he delights in.”
(Proverbs 3:11-12)

How about you? Where have you experienced God’s extraordinary in your ordinary recently? Please share.

Linking up with these fine folks:


Rent and Spent


There’s a sweetness in my soul that’s been simmering for the past few weeks. It’s the kind of sweetness that can only come from the hand of God but it’s still been nothing short of rough.

My soul has been seared with the heat of some bitter tears and  I’ve needed more time to sort through my “stuff” so I didn’t just use this space to spew some narcissistic angst or rant to garner attention and somehow temporarily salve my shredded soul.

I don’t want to waste these precious moments on trivialities when there’s so much to be gained from patience and “pleroma”…the fullness that only God can bring about when we wait upon him.  And in this time of waiting and sorting I’m discovering the truth of C.S. Lewis’ Aslan when he told us that this “Great Lion” is not safe but He’s worth it. Oh yes, God is so worth it.


This verse from Joel has marked me deeply for I am one who’s been “rent”. My heart has been torn in two. And here’s the beautiful and most perplexing thing: I didn’t tear it. No, God did. He moved me to give it to Him and Him alone and then; He tore it. It may sound callous or cruel but really, it’s the most beautiful, loving and necessary thing He could do.

Torn in two and ripped from top to bottom like the temple curtain on the day that Jesus died. The day God, himself through Jesus’ powerful, in-the-beginning-Logos words said: “IT IS FINISHED!”, and tore that curtain of separation down, down down, forever opening the channel of communication between Himself and His children.  Unveiled and opened. Naked and unashamed again. And this is also why he rends the hearts given to Him. Because our hearts tend to be veiled as well and so God says “return to Me, give Me your heart and let me rend it for you.”

And rent I am… because I am His.

God has given me a vision. A big vision of Himself…a God-sized vision that truthfully, as one dear friend once told me, would scare me to death if I could see it all at once. And in order to receive the fullness of that vision, so much of me has to die so He can take His place. This is where the rending comes in…as he finds the bits of sin, selfishness, pride, envy and malice, manipulation and fear….he tears that bit out of me and replaces it with more of Himself.

And it hurts. The whole thing hurts. But even while it’s happening, I trust Him because He never fails me and I know, I really do know that none of the pain will be wasted even when I don’t understand why or how just yet. So I submit to His hand again and to the best of my ability, I wait.

The other day I was standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes with a particularly heavy heart and found myself singing a tune lodged somewhere in the back of my soul:

“All of You, is more than enough for all of me. For every thirst and every need. You satisfy me with your love. Till all I have in You is more than enough.”

and I stopped right there and thought hard about that. What was I singing? What was I feeling? Did I mean it? In the midst of this moment of my life..was God my “more than enough”? In the midst of my disappointment, this ache and my mess?  And I am learning the most important lesson of all: Yes, I do mean it…God really is more than enough.

So much of what has had to be dealt with in me has been “good stuff” held in bad, idolatrous places. In the life of another, these things might be just fine but God continues to sift my soul for the finer grains of gold. Because, someone wiser than me once said that sometimes we settle for many “good” things instead of the better God things. Sometimes we settle for what we think we can handle when God’s got so much more in mind.

And that’s where I am: a girl undone. Rent and spent and quite nearly at the end of myself to the place where God will do His best work in, through and in spite of me. And I’m SO thankful.

It’s gonna be beautiful and very much worth the wait. I want that. I really want that for you too.

“Even now,” declares the LORD “return to me with all your heart…”

Lorretta signature