Tag Archives: healing

stalled on the water

The silence here has been deafening lately but trust me,

it’s been very noisy in my soul.


stalled on the water

Nothing major, but right before the holidays, I stepped off a riser at church and probably strained a tendon in my heel.  All I know is that it hurt like the dickens and I still can’t wear my cute little flats.

And Fire… I felt fire. My heel throbbed with some sort of fire-dart-like pain if anything touched it the wrong way. I read up on it and really, the only thing that will work for the problem is  a combination of anti-inflammatory pain meds,  good shoes… and good, old-fashioned rest and T-I.M-E.

Almost a week had passed and it started to feel better until one night, I must have whacked it in my sleep  because that sucker  Woke. Me. Up.  Dang.    Need more T-I-M-E.

Curious and similarly, a recent situation caused me to mentioned to a friend how there are times when you think old wounds in deep places in you are “healed enough” and you can go for a long time like that thinking it’s all good… or good enough to go on. Until you get bumped. Then that old pain jumps to the surface so sharp and sudden that you almost can’t breathe.

 Like my heel…. only this time, it was my heart.

 There are some deep bruise-y places that got bumped recently and as a result, God has  initiated some quiet but necessary internal “reorganizations” that may eventually result in some external ones. Only time will tell but it’s prompted some good, cleansing soul searching and I’m grateful.

Carried by Love through the grief

Honestly? That  w i d e  o p e n  pile of  days known as “January”  was almost too much for me to handle with it’s non-stop, steady stream of activity coming at me from all directions. It’s not normally this way except for this little thing I’ve had to push and prepare for…and I’ve truly meant to mention before now.

 I’ve been quiet about this (not purposely) but I guess now is as good a time as any to mention that we leave today (TO-DAY people!) for ten days working on a new project in the Dominican Republic with an agency called Water@Work. The whole thing came about rather suddenly— smack dab in the middle of the holiday hoopla and wedding madness and I’ve barely had a shred of time to think about it, never mind plan or write outside my head.

Now, it’s here.

 I’m not complaining. This life is my absolute joy. There is nothing I’d rather do more than flip the switches wide open on the adventure of documenting all the ways and places where God is at work in the world.

But I have been emotionally exhausted. No doubt about it.

So, I’ve needed to take more time to marinate in this hush that’s overtaken my soul. I’ve needed more space to breathe… think and feel my way around and through all of these things taking place both near and far. I needed some quiet time to stop, look and listen to what God is saying in it all. Because he’s most definitely speaking and the wind of the Spirit is clearly blowing.

Despite the visible external chaos, internally, iIt’s been neither a swift wind nor a swift current that’s carried me from day to day in these past weeks and there have been moments when I’ve undoubtedly felt like I’m stalled on the water and just barely moving.

But then God is good to remind me that even barely moving is still moving.

And there’s more to come….He’s reminded me of that too. I’ll be sharing it with you, I promise.

Only slightly hobbled,Lorretta signature

the view from my broken marriage

It’s Holy Week.

A week of remembering the moments surrounding the single-most important person and event in all of human history:   Jesus.  

Life. Death. Burial. Resurrection.

A week to remember the everything before and after and to rejoice that we can now live from the center of  “It is finished!”

the view from my broken marriage

Yesterday, my youngest and I occupied a pew in the little Episcopal church here in town for the first of five services our community will host this week. Today we’ll be at the Methodist church. It’s one of the many things I’ve come to love about this small country town. One week out of the year we gather in one another’s churches before God, united in the Spirit to worship our Lord and Savior; Jesus. How beautiful is the body of Christ.

 In the brief moments before the service began, I recalled this time from years before and was filled with so much peace and joy for the life in Christ I have today. Because I was remembering how just a few short years ago, I sat in a pew alone, sin sick and heart damaged by so much pain and confusion.

 Everything I thought I knew about all I thought I could depend on was falling apart and crumbling beneath my feet. I was lost amidst my own shattered illusions of what it means to be a minister of the Gospel, a woman, a wife, mother, sister and friend.

I’d come face to face with my own empty definitions, which somehow had become detached or maybe had never been truly attached to their meaning in Christ. I was a lost sheep in crisis and didn’t know if I’d ever find my way back home.

I didn’t know where home could be found and mine……… was falling apart.
Two decades of denial had taken their toll and I could no longer hold back my overwhelming dissatisfaction with the temple prostitute I had become. Angry. Fearful. Frustrated. People pleaser. Need meeter.

 Years of inattention to details, false starts and unkept promises on both sides of my marriage added more and more kindling to the pile of dead wood smoldering  inside of me and before I knew it,

this girl was about to self-combust and burn herself to the ground.

 Of course, the enemy wasted no time… slipping in the well-placed attentions of others under the guise of tending to my neglected intellectual, emotional and spiritual needs. Needs I’d forgotten I had; deeper places and pieces of me I’d set aside early in my marriage thinking I’d get to them later…things all too soon forgotten until I couldn’t forget any more. The 2 Timothy “weak-willed woman”?      That was me.

I was ripe for the picking and I had no clue.

My marriage was in shambles.

Can I just say that? Yes we are both sold out followers of Christ and yes, our marriage was in trouble.

 Honestly, we were both doing the best we could with what little we understood all those years . We’d both come from homes decimated by sin and divorce. Simply staying together would have been enough to do it better than our parents had before. But that wasn’t enough and we knew it. We loved each other and we needed help. But how?

 You know I’ve written an awful lot about mentoring and accountability. It’s because God has used these relationships to change my life and marriage.

God has used other men to minister to my husband helping him to stand firm and walk the walk and other women have counseled me and loved me back from the brink of disaster. It’s scriptural (see James 5:13-20) and it’s necessary.        Do it. 

God's real help******************************

Divorce was not an option but marriage the way we’d been doing it for 20 years wasn’t either. 

We loved God. We loved each other.

However, my husband didn’t know how or where to lead,  I didn’t know who or how to follow and after 20 years, we were getting nowhere fast. The fight was on. We fought like we’d never fought before.  Something had to change; through the prayers of others and constant humbling,  something did:

We got broken.
More broken than our marriage.

Somewhere in the middle of all the battles we stopped fighting…. each other and started to realize we were actually fighting for something far greater, and it was really worth the fight. We also realized we weren’t fighting alone. So we kept fighting for it and kept talking and listening even when it hurt.

I had to find the courage introduce my husband to the woman he actually married (once I found her again myself)  and he had to find the courage to accept and encourage me here.

I had to learn how to communicate my needs respectfully and to encourage and spur him on to greatness in Christ –trusting God to do the work in His life, and he had to learn how to listen CARE-FULLY and not finish my sentences. Ha!

He’s learning how to lead…and where; through and to Christ.
I’m learning how to follow in all the same ways.
We’re both learning to trust and share the load of leading and following under God’s direction.

We hope we get to grow old together with the emphasis on the GROW in the midst of the old.

We are partners.
We are friends.
We are warriors.

Marriage as Co-creation************************** 

It’s Holy week; the time when we remember the life, death and resurrection of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ who is so very real, active and alive in the world today;

I know.

 Because this is the very real life, death and resurrection story He’s made of my broken marriage.  It’s still broken but we’ve decided to keep it that way.

 Because God is teaching us both to do whatever it takes to stay broken ourselves before the Lord and this marriage…this broken marriage… is our testimony and offering to Him; broken and made whole again by God


Dear reader,  I don’t know where you are today but if you are anywhere near where I once was, I want to offer you this testimony of hope; healing IS possible.

Maybe you or someone you know is struggling in this place today or from where you stand, disaster is on the horizon.


Remember! It is FINISHED! Jesus is risen for you and for your marriage today.

And know this: you do not fight alone. I’d love to pray for you and hear your heart.

Broken and Mended,Lorretta signature


girl on fire

Soooo… I woke up this morning ready to set the world on fire and so far I’ve only managed to fill the kitchen with the smoke of burning onions!

I’m maybe just a little distracted!

girl on fire


I’m coming down from our Plugged{in} girl’s event where I got to experience an entire weekend of doing my most favorite things in-the-whole-wide-world with some of my most favorite people in-the-whole-wide-world.

It was spent in the company of about 50 girls from 6th to 12th grade along with 25 more women committed to sharing the love of Christ with our little sisters. So many of you wrote saying you’d be praying for this event and I thank you– your prayers were felt and experienced.

Plugged In Collage Let me tell you more…