{Metamorphosis} A True Story of Death and Rebirth


“One of the staggering things that takes place in stage three of the caterpillar’s metamorphosis to becoming a butterfly is that once a caterpillar goes into its cocoon, it literally liquifies—completely changing itself all the way to the molecular level before it can recreate itself into a butterfly.  It basically loses everything, not just shedding its outer layer but a profound internal transformation – a complete disintegration of the old in order to take on the new original design for its ultimate purpose, a butterfly.” Greg Nelson


This is as much about my spiritual rebirth as it is about my emotional one. When God calls you out of sin and darkness– out of death…. you listen and obey even when it hurts. When God calls you deeper and higher, many things must die.

I’m not going to pretend this was written during an easy time in my life–it was as real and as hard as the words are before you. Death to Self is painful but necessary. You really do “liquify”. 

I needed it….I needed to lay ALL my idols down….and in love, God was patient and taught me how to want it too. So necessary and purifying and I stand here today knowing:

it *has been* worth it.

I’m still learning to die to my self and before I write another thing…I want to offer this again to the glory of God….my Savior and my Lord.



Labor is hard-
hard and gritty,
clenched-teeth business.
Bent over,
inward groan,
outward strain,
just roll
with the pain.
Some maybe
ease off the edge
with a drug of choice–
choose no voice.

must know,
must understand,
must feel this whole thing
and bring it forth
to life.

must learn how
to breathe through it,
feel through it,
embrace through it’s
every wave.
Not safe
but worth it.

Birth is messy-
messy, can’t help
but be
wide open and exposed business.
Seldom done
in secret,
often done
The hope is
the same.
The goal is
the same tho
the results
may may take longer.

Chronos belongs to Kairos you know.

Riding impulse and
wave after wave after-
slave to the fight
for and against
held in the midst…
though kept.
Held and kept,
kept and held
through the transitions
till you can’t resist
the urge to push-
not too fast–
or you break,
you tear.
Can’t be helped sometimes.

Mending is slow-
slow and quiet,
feeling around in the dark
for the light switch business.
Not done alone
even when
alone is all you feel.
What’s real is real
and things truly born
don’t go back to where they came from.
Muscles stretched,
mind and experience expanded
from all that’s demanded.

Birth comes
to the expectant.
The heart makes room
and always keeps the place-
always makes the space
for one more.

10 thoughts on “{Metamorphosis} A True Story of Death and Rebirth

  1. Oh wow!!!! This is beautiful!! I am so glad that you republished this!!! What raw true emotion! You are so articulate!! Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I felt like I was reading a rap. ( I have a teenage son, so yes, I like rap) This will resonate with so many. Blessings to you. I pray that you are publishing from a place of healing now. But, thanks for the critical reminder of our constant need for a savior!!!

    1. Oh I am Lauren.. I really and truly am so healed beyond that moment. I guess you can call this my Stone of Remembrance….set up in the midst of the river of live as my altar. I NEVER want to forget my need…yes, for our Savior. I guess it could be a rap for sure (I am the mother of teen boys as well!) because there’s a definite flow, rhythm and beat….and even now when I read it…oh wow…I feel it and remember! Thanks and I am looking forward to meeting you in October!

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