bringing sexy back

This has been simmering on the surface of my heart and nibbling at the edges of my mind for quite some time. I’ve tried to squish it back down, press it out of the way but it just won’t.  get.  gone.         So fine.   Let’s go.   It’s official:

  I’m bringing sexy back.

bringing sexy back

  That’s right, you heard me— I am bringing it all backI’m boldly pushing the outer edge of middle age and I believe it’s time to say it loud and proud– I’m bringing sexy back… back to wherever it came from.

 Because people; it  just doesn’t fit.  It never has, it never will.

 At least…not how it’s defined, yelling and screaming at me from every gaping media orifice out there.  

I know you know what I mean. There’s almost no place a person can go in our country without some sort of advertisement seeding our minds with it’s volatile cocktail of image-driven sexually-charged materialism. It’s everywhere.

Chances are unless you live in a hole, you’re going to get a taste of it before the day is over. Sadly, it’s becoming such the norm that we have at least two generations in our midst who’ve never known anything else and they’re almost numb to it.

They have no idea what’s being sold to them
or stolen from them.


  friend had this awful moment in the mall with her young son and it spoke volumes to my own mother heart not, as she said,  because we are prudes, but because I know…we all know, even at the age of four, the battle has just begun for his eyes, his heart…his body.

It’s fierce and relentless. 

 It’s no less relentless for little girls who are not any more immune to the bait-and-switch lies and temptations of the enemy but then also struggle with life-long self-image issues trying to measure up to something being projected at them which, oftentimes,  isn’t even real.  

I’m not simply referring to those checkout stand mags with their slick, glossy promises of showing you how to  “XYZ” PDQ while their covers show off a bunch of air brushed and carefully rearranged TMI.  

For instance, I took this photo of a cover not too long ago:



As if that is THE ultimate goal: get “high school skinny”. Oh wait, so you mean I have to stay anxious, starve myself,  binge a bit, feel guilty, throw up and start all over again? No thank you.              Not going *there* again. Ain’t NOBODY got time for that!

There’s this dangerous idea being sold from every venue that, no matter our age, right now as we are, we are “less than” and what we see out there is the almighty “greater than”, so we must strive to get as close to the “equal to” as possible.  Then, with all our might….however old we get… stay there.

Then what?
Go into hiding?
Die and have one great final viewing?

While we’re on the subject, can I just say that attempting to live this version of sexy is  a ridiculous amount of work and expense. Smoke and mirrors, nip and tuck, creams , injections, constant upkeep and a whole bunch of empty promises.


OK truth: this is not a new issue for me.  I’ve struggled with image issues all my life. I could dig deep and unearth the bones of the problem but that might only offer an explanation, not an excuse.         

I choose to be a valiant warrior today.  For you. For me. For our daughters, grand daughters, sisters and friends.

Truth: as anyone can attest, it’s quite something to look in the mirror at someone who looks twice as old as you feel.  

It didn’t help that not long ago a sweet hearted, fresh faced young woman wrote about how “avatars” (computer pictures) hide wrinkles and how those she met at our recent conference looked so much older in real life. She wasn’t being mean. Not at all. But ouch anyway.  

Ouch and oh well because this is just the way it rolls and that can not be my life’s main motivating factor. They say getting old isn’t for wimps and I’m no wimp. But honestly?

I’m just hurting for what I see going on around me.

For instance, I mentor a young teen and for all practical purposes, she’s not going to win any of the worlds beauty contests. I think she’s beautiful, but her character is still developing and her outward appearance is growing and changing as she does. But she’s as caught up as ever in how to look a certain way to get and keep a “guy friend” so that it’s gradually become all she can think or talk about. It’s changing the way she sees herself and it hurts to watch.  

Then there’s this someone I used to know from my former life. We weren’t intimately close but up until I moved on we’d see each other a couple of times a week and had worked together on a few projects. Sweet and funny, she had this natural air of beauty and while we are all growing older, I’d have said she was aging pretty well.

We bumped into one another at a meeting a while back and I almost had no idea who she was. I didn’t want to believe it was actually her. She’d had some “work done” since the last time I saw her and well, she didn’t look anything like herself.  I came across some pictures we’d had taken together once upon a time and all I keep thinking is

“What happened? Why?!

I don’t want to get hyper-holy but I see myself reflected in the extremes of these two positions — I was the one and I could be the other if I’m not careful. It’s about perspective. The question is: Who and what do I want my life … my image to reflect? I hope it’s this:


“Now the Lord is the Spirit,
and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory,
are being transformed into his image
with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord,
who is the Spirit.” 2 Cor. 3: 17-18


Sure, I’ll keep going to the gym and attempt to steward my body well and I might continue to color the grays for a while longer but I want to remember now more than ever before how important it is to cling to something way more solid than myself  in order to encourage others to do the same. 


So…yeah. I’m taking sexy back.

Taking it back and trading it in for some more durable goods: the mind of Christ, unfading beauty,  true freedom and the peace that comes from knowing I’m His. 

In Christ Alone, I STAND,Lorretta signature

35 thoughts on “bringing sexy back

  1. Hi Loretta – thanks for sharing your words in the Faith Jam before Thanksgiving… I’m turning 43 this week … and even though I don’t feel 43, the number says I’m mid-life (gulp). It’s great to meet a soul-journer, friend!

  2. Every time I read your work, I like you more, Loretta. Not long ago, my husband told me that if I want to age gracefully I should “go gray.” Little does he know, I could go much grayer than he could imagine already at the ripe age of 32. I’ve got laugh lines and grays and lip lines, and I can either obsess (my nature) or let it go. I really want to choose to let it go.

  3. Yay! I celebrate this post with you! I am so glad we “met” last week (through FaithJam) — and you popped over and blessed my blog as well. I love your heart of honesty and tell-it-like-it-is without condemning anyone who is at different growing points along this continuum. We need to call it out and be the light to girls and women everywhere. God has called us beautiful. Amen!! Keep up your goodness. It is such a great reflection of Him — your specific reflection. ~ Patty @

    1. Oh yes Lani. I so very much wish I’d had these kinds of “guts” when my own little girl was under my roof. I can’t argue with God and His timing though….I’ll serve Him here and now with what I know and I’m so glad to hear you will too. Love ya!

  4. Awesome post! Such a great reminder to keep it real in the mirror and in life! I love your words, ” I want to remember now more than ever before how important it is to cling to something way more solid than myself in order to encourage others to do the same.”
    I do too girlfriend! Standing boldly in the beauty of Christ in my own 55 years!
    Gay Idle/CaptiveHeart

  5. Hi Loretta,

    Nice to meet you. I’m hopping over from the IP link up. I grinned at your title of “I’m taking back sexy.” Thanks for your discourse here about where true beauty and a sense of sexuality comes from. I love that God made us as his masterpieces, and that our beauty comes from who we are in him, and that our beauty grows as we become more and more comfortable in our own skin, knowing who and whose we are.

    You go ahead and rocknearly-45, Loretta!

    Nice to meet you,
    Jennifer Dougan

  6. Hopping from Faith’s. I loved this. It was just what I needed. I am turning 48 on Monday and well let me say my heart has been bruised a bit as I look at myself. I realized after reading this God sees me as beautiful and while I will still exercise and do good things for my health…Beauty comes from inside. Thank you I am applauding you and wish I could hug you. You made my day.

  7. Enjoyed reading this, and especially the part about our avatars not looking like the “real” us. ha. May the Lord take away our vanity and replace it with humility as we seek to be more transformed into the image of his Son. Thanks for sharing your heart.

  8. Thank you, thank you! Lorretta, your lovely outpouring speaks deep to my soul. As one in the autumn of her life I can really relate to this. Yes, let’s ‘bring back sexy’ to where it truly belongs ~ in the marriage relationship. Here we can (hopefully) learn be our sweet sexy selves in a safe, accepting and loving relationship. And let’s also trade it in for those things which endure with no perishing or spoiling unto eternity, the “unfading beauty, true freedom and the peace that comes from knowing I’m His”. I love the Dodinsky quote too. Great stuff! 🙂 x

  9. Hey there buddy, you must have the courage of a Wolverine. Do you realize how many toes you stepped on as you grab their hearts and shook them. Wow! You know the sad thing is there’s just as many men who can relate to this, but even more tragic only a fraction who would get on here and admit it. Thank you so much for this post. Keep it real in the mirror.

    1. I turned 66 this year, and that man in the mirror keeps looking back at me and saying what happened to Jimmy…? And what’s happening is that, after two heart attacks and a quad bypass, God has kept me around here for some reason I do not yet understand. 🙂

      1. Hello Jim, like Job we don’t necessarily need to understand although we so passionately want to. But what you and all of us do need to understand is that we have a God who has everything to help us and nothing to hurt us. May we always learn more and more to trust Him.

  10. Elizabeth and I were discussing how you look so beautiful and haven’t changed much at all since we last were together. You have great genes… and wear them well. 🙂

  11. Thank you. I’ll be 55 on my next birthday. I’m just saying you are young girlfriend 🙂 thank you for speaking these important words with passion. Amen. I love the quote…. And your heart.

    1. Oh GIRL…. I’m *watching* you! 🙂 You wear it well…because you wear grace and the unfading beauty of Christ. THAT’s what I’m after. Bless you my Sister, I am ever so glad God chose to have our paths rise and converge.

  12. You kept me hanging on your every word and just hit the point out of the park at the end. Yes, I agree. I’ll meet you in the return line as we get us some more durable goods!

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