Tag Archives: five minute friday

truth or dare

truth or dare

It’s been awhile since I set foot on Five Minute Friday ground. It’s a wonderful exercise where Lisa-Jo Baker gives the word of the week and we write from our guts for 5-minutes flat. Here’s my “guts” on the word “TRUTH”

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I’ve played this game before..maybe we all have to some extent.

But there’s always one person you know you NEVER want to play with because you know…they don’t play fair. They’re the one who always wants to go last. They’re the one who insists that you bare your ahem,  “soul “all over the place and then they leave the room when it’s their turn.

 So, I’m battle scarred and war weary. Yeah, that’s me. Once bitten and twice shy because I can’t hide it anymore. I can’t be what I’m not even when others don’t understand the heat and intensity going on inside of me. 

 

That sounds weird. But there it is…my TRUTH. 

 

I feel every. stinkin. thing. And I can’t NOT feel because now God has opened this Pandora’s box inside of me and it lets the emotions and love and feelings of others mingle with mine..and I get that feeling of truly what Jesus must have felt like looking out over Jerusalem and mourning how He would just love to gather them unto Himself. I get that. I actually care…a lot…maybe too much…and it hurts.

 

My heart is swelled up with feelings and a vat of tears that I’m scared-to-freakin death over. I’m terrified. Because

 

My sister is dying and I don’t know if I’ll get to say goodbye before it’s too late. My son is struggling at college and it’s hard for this homeschool mama to watch her little bird try to fly and hit the ground. I am changing. God has called me into this big, wide open for real writing place where, there’s no place left to hide place and I fear…I’m not ready

 

The feelings…I’m afraid of them. I’m afraid of the pain I will feel once my sister dies. Twice now, I’ve awakened in the night..heart thumping in my chest and sweating….I’m so afraid to face this…again. How will I do it?

 

So here is my five minutes of unpolished unedited, unholy TRUTH. I fear hitting publish because…I’ve never run into the middle of a room this naked before. I just hope there’s someone out here getting naked too. Or at least…someone who loves me enough to run and get me a bathrobe.

5minutefriday