I sang and prayed with all my heart and begged for it.
“Open the eyes of my heart Lord….I want to see you.”
“Give me your eyes for just one second….”
And you did.
You reached down inside of me in your loving, Ezekiel way.
You took my heart of stone and gave me YOUR heart of flesh.
A heart with eyes.
A heart that can see others the way you see.
And the best and most beautiful thing is that I do.
I feel with this heart and see with it into those places where you need me to touch and to love and to give and to mend
…with your power and your beauty.
But I confess…. I didn’t know it would hurt so much.
I didn’t know there would be times I’d want to look away…I’d need to…. run and hide and catch my breath for just a moment.
Times when I’d feel the crowd of hurt pressing in,
pressing hard and taking my breath away.
Sucking the life right out of me.
Like a vacuous black hole.
I see and feel.
Whether I want to look or not.
And it hurts because
I want to do more, be more, help more, hope more, love more
…mend the broken more.
I get tired…and want to look away.
In this moment you are there in still greater measure,
lifting me, carrying me and bearing me up in your mighty arms.
Whispering into this heart you gave to me…
of greater, sweeter wisdom than I’d ever know otherwise.
Whispering of courage and strength and insight I could never conjure up and must never, ever claim for myself.
Here I can rest in knowing that it’s enough that I’m claimed and owned and carried by You.
So while there are times I must retreat and rest, when I must be still and must drink deeply to refresh myself from your well, there is no place I would rather be than HERE; in the center of your will…seeing and loving and feeling as I imagine you do.
You chose to open the eyes of my heart, gave me yours and
I can not go back again.
I can not afford to look away…and I don’t want to.