I hammered my stake into this piece of “Blog Land” 8 full months ago. I remember that day clearly because a door closed in my life–one I could still see through clearly but definitely could not pass through to the other side. What I could not see at the time was that God was flinging open many other doors; but I wasn’t ready. I don’t know what made me stand here on that day with brokenness in my hand and say, “I will now do THIS.” and not do more than merely unlock this door, stand at the threshold and peer through and think, but I did and it’s still here…untouched. I think I’m glad I waited.
And in the midst of Life’s tumble and toss, I have been reluctant to make a beginning post. Why? Partly, I think it’s because I want my first, virginal blog-post to be something beautiful and profound. I want it to be memorable, intoxicating and, to coin a phrase a photographer friend of mine used recently; I want it to be a “second looker”….the kind of thing you just have to come back to and “love on” some more. And if that’s not a little self-revealing, I don’t know what is.
But there’s another, maybe more important reason why: commitment. I realize that in order for this to be more than a half-finished notebook full of half-hearted promises written in the heat of the moment, I’ve got to take the plunge and take it for reals.
I’m at the stage in my life where I’ve been sorting and casting off things I’ve worn way too long. Some of these things I put on in ignorance thinking they’d make me more acceptable and appealing to those around me and other things…I just let people put on me over time and I never took them off; until now. No turning back..no turning back. There’s only forward and I want to live in the awareness that there’s no need to hurry and no need to run. I’m here now.
Where is “Here”? Presently, it feels like a bit of a wilderness but it’s not nearly as desolate as it’s been in recent months past. It’s because God is doing a “new ” thing and much of that has to do with clearing out “old” things; wrong things, wrong thinking and habits along with worn-out, out-grown ideas. “Here” seems to be more a process than a place… a forward destination. And that’s important because I’ve been desperate enough to settle for less along the way and I’m discovering that God has in mind MORE….a wide-open, limitless and intimate more. So this is my way of opening up the door to that MORE. I’m going to let go and let His Spirit move me as we walk together with no other purpose in mind than to submit to whatever it is He’s intending to do or show me. I’m going to take the last step towards being transparent for maybe His eyes alone and just let God do and use me however He can for His glory. I’m going to be satisfied and to trust Him to satisfy me…to know me and to be enough…to be my Peace.
27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. (John 14:27)
Sweet peace. This is no saccharin-substitute peace; it’s the real deal. It’s HIS personal peace….it’s the peace Jesus, himself wore and used while here on earth…always fresh and always new. He gives it to me–to all of us who belong to Him– to put on as He’s taking other things off of me and says “Here, wear this.” He never leaves us uncovered but we must choose to wear what He offers. And so I will. This is only the beginning.
So, welcome to my “Here” place, my garden…my sanctuary. Welcome to my crazy, passionate, touchy-feely heart and mind that just never stops but belongs totally to the One who picked me up, wiped my dirty heart clean and calls me His own: Jesus.
And the most important thing about being “Here” (wherever that happens to be along the way) is that it won’t ever be about me; it’s about God and what He’s doing and where we’re going together. Already, I can see His light shining in the darkness…and the darkness has not….can not overcome. (John1:1-5) Ginosko